Persona 4 Abridged Episode 8 Script
The following is the script for the eighth episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed. Script Margaret: If you’re looking for the NOSE, he’s not here right now. Sent that asshole straight to rehab. Margaret: That means that I can play with the cards myself for once. Margaret: So, the Emperor card here means that-- (the emperor card shatters) Margaret: Don’t think that was supposed to happen. Margaret: Eh, you get what you pay for. Naoki: EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES Chie: AHHH!!! Yukiko: What, is it too hot? Chie: Yeah, but I like a challenge. Yosuke: Whoa whoa whoa, Chie! Gotta save up your appetite for………….. the camping trip! (pause) Yu: Isn’t that in like two days? (transition) Yosuke: So! What do you guys wanna eat at the camping trip? Yu: I dunno, maybe sushi? Yukiko: I think I’d like a giant melon. Yu: I think that’s stupid. Chie: I haven’t eaten for two days…….. Yosuke: Then we’re all agreed! Curry, it is! (cut) Yukiko: drooling sounds Yu: So, what are we supposed to do at the camping trip? Chie: There’s LOTS to do! We can cook s’mores, sleep on the floor, eat wild animals… Yosuke: I don’t think the teacher’s gonna like that. Chie: Then I’ll eat him too! Yukiko: These melons aren’t quite big enough, but I’ll manage. Chie: I bet you ten bucks I can juggle them! Yukiko: I was gonna throw them at people and watch them cry. Yosuke: (thinking) Those onions are shitty-ass melons. Yosuke: EVERYONE, STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND GET ON THE GROUND! I gotta go buy some SWIMSUITS! (as he’s walking away) Gonna show off my rockin’ gams. Chie: First one to blink loses. (transition) Yosuke: Where are the other two? I told you not to move! Yu: (thinking after he blinks) Shit, I fucked up! Yu: I lost… Yosuke: Oh, they’re over there. Tell them to get out of my store when they’re done. Bye! (transition) (aggressive music playing in the background) Nanako: W’sup, ho! Yu: I uh… brought… I brought Junes. Nanako: I love Junes! Sometimes I lie down in the produce aisle and cry because I miss mom. Yu: You can just do that at… home, can’t you? Nanako: Dad says I can’t think about Mom at home because thinking about her won’t bring her back, and I should just move on. Then he cries too. Dojima: Bananako! Nanako: Huh? Dojima: You’re grounded. (sniff) (crying sounds and sounds of him running upstairs) (yu does the hand thing) Nanako: Is that a magic trick? (long pause and then he does thing and then there’s another pause) Nanako: Alright… (transition) Yosuke: ahhh……… Yukiko: So how’s the melon curry? Yosuke: Cuuuurrrrsseeeed………… Yu: Wait, is that food… evil? Chie: Well I told you I made a WICKED curry! (pause with a cough in the background) Yukiko: Gave Chie free reign on this one. (pause) Enjoy. Yu: Were you trying to kill him? Yukiko: (creepily with emphasis on each word) Your turn to taste. Yu: I had a good life… Nah, who am I kiddin’? It sucked. (transition) Yosuke: What’d you PUT in this? It tasted like pure, concentrated evil! Yukiko: Oh, you know, a little of this, a little of that. (transition) Chie: So, are you thinkin’ lamb’s blood or blood of virgins? Yukiko: You can do whatever. I’ll just make the rice. Chie: So I can do… anything? Yukiko: Well I mean… just try not to kill anybody. Chie: Try… Yukiko: Mhm… Chie: Okay, we need some snips… snails… puppydog tails? I saw some monkey on TV do it once. His brain was huge, so he must’ve been pretty smart! Yukiko: (sigh) That was a cartoon… I’m not gonna eat this. (transition) Chie: It’s the thought that counts? Yukiko: Chie, you’re banned from thinking. Chie: Done and done! (pause) Yukiko: Uh, Chie? (pause) Yosuke: And the WORST part is, now we have all this FOOD that we can’t EAT! Hanako: vacuum sounds (transition) Student 1: Did you hear that Naoki doesn’t have to do his homework? Student 2: Wow! I wish MY sister would die! Naoki: Um, can I help you? Student 1: Well if it isn’t the privileged kid! Naoki: Um… Student 2: Yeah, come to BRAG about your DEAD SISTER again? Naoki: But I di— Student 3: Let’s GO before OUR sisters die TOO. Students 1/2/3: laughter Yu: Do you have any painkillers? He tried fighting a bear. Yosuke: You get one, you think you can get them all! Naoki: Here you go. But, just so you know… Naoki: It’s administrated rectally. Yosuke: Gives “open wide, Yosuke” a whole new meaning, huh Narukami? Yu: I… okay, Yosuke. (transition) Aika: Two bowls of noodles. Chie: I ordered pizza! Aika: Then why would you… auhghh… Yosuke: Guys, you will NEVER guess what just happened! Kanji: I had to help. Yukiko: (under her breath) Shhhhit. Yosuke: Hey, you ordered us noodles, thanks! Chie: Nope. Yu: Then why does he get some? Kanji: Brought it from home. Yosuke: But why are you hanging out with us? Kanji: Oh, sorry I wanted to spend time with my FRIENDS. Y’know, sit around the fire, tell ghost stories, fun camp stuff. So, Yukiko, know any good ghost stories? Yukiko: It’s daytime, Kanji. Kanji: Oh. (pause) Well, I got one! People kept talkin’ about how Konishi died, and I was freaking out until I SAW him at SCHOOL the next day! Pretty scary, huh? Yosuke: Kanji, his sister died, not him. Kanji: That makes some past conversations REALLY awkward. Kanji: This is boring. I’m going fishing. (transition) Kanji: I caught one! Naoki: Hi. Yu: That’s Naoki. Kanji, why? Kanji: Well, when I saw him, he was floundering. Ehhh? Naoki: This is true, but I am no flounder. I’m an eagle, hovering like an albatross, always on the watch. Caw. Caw. (music) Naoki: War, war never changes. When you’ve been on the battlefield as long as I have, you learn a few things. Interviewers kept asking me and my family about my sister’s death. Notice the past tense: kept asking me. Yu: That’s rough, buddy. Naoki: Yeah, ever since my sister died, life has been one big rubix cube with no one to say, “Hey it’s upside down.” Saki: (echoed) Hey, it’s upside down… Naoki: sighhhhhhhhh Yukiko: Is he still talking? Naoki: It’s like my father always said, “You never know what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it. Help me find my car keys.” Yu: Hey, can you throw this away? Naoki: Yeah, sure. (transition) Naoki: It’s been nice hanging out. You know, for the first time since my sister died, I’m experiencing this strange new feeling in my chest. Yosuke: Is it happiness? Naoki: Heartburn. Bye. (cuts to them staring) Yosuke: Was that fish the butt-medicine guy? Yu: Yosuke, he was Naoki, and an eagle. Yosuke: Scribe, we got another suspect. Yu: You’re dumb. (transition) Yukiko: Yosuke, for the last time, it wasn’t Naoki, or Nanako. Yosuke: (in the distance) But it’s the one you least expect! Chie: Yosuke, my mailman’s more likely to be the culprit than Nanako! Yu: We should recap. Yukiko: Lame. Yosuke: Kanji! Kanji: Over here. Yosuke: What do you remember before you were kidnapped? Kanji: I remember that that politician, Namatame, moved back to Inaba after the scandal with his wife and became a delivery dude. Yukiko: I don’t see how that’s relevant. Chie: Didn’t he have a thing with the first victim? Yukiko: Holy shit, are we actually blaming the mailman? Chie: Wait no, I take it back. He’s a GOOD, HONEST mailman! Yukiko: Wait, guys, if Mrs. Yamano, the first victim was on the TV… and SAKI was interviewed about the body, and then I was on the TV… Yosuke: We get it. You were on TV. Stop bragging about it! Chie: No, Yosuke! She means the murderer must watch TV! Kanji: Hey, guys, what’s goin’ on? Yu: Let’s split up, gang. Yosuke: Zoinks! Yukiko: Jeepers. Chie: Jinkies! Kanji: Uh… ruh roh? Morooka: Ruh roh is right, you meddling kids. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SEARCHING FOR TRASH! NOT PERTINANT CLUES! (transition) Yosuke: I don't know if I'm comfortable in the same tent with Kanji. Because he's... you know... Yu: Yosuke, that's not cool. Yosuke: Yeah, and neither are freshmen! We gotta kick him out before he lames up the tent! Kanji: What? I'm not a freshman! Yosuke: How many years have you been at Yasogami? Kanji: One, but what does that have to do with anything? Yu: No, you kind of are a freshman. Kanji: Would a freshman do THIS? AAAAAHHHH!!!! Hi Chie. Hi Yukiko. AHHHHHHHHH!!! Yukiko: Where was Kanji headed? Yu: Eh. (pause) Why are you guys here? Yukiko: We’re here for some action. Yosuke: (excited gasp) Chie: Brought some Street Fighter! Yosuke: Aw… Yu: What, does Chie spam or something? Morooka: Do I hear the sound of kids having FUN? I’m too drunk for this job… Consistently. It’s a problem. (transition) Chie: So where’d you go last night? Kanji: Rolled around in some dirt. Fresh? Not anymore. Yosuke: If we wanna make it to nationals, we’ve gotta step up our swimming practice! Chie: What? Yosuke: Brought enough for everyone! Yu: Where’d you even hide those? Yosuke: Been wearin’ ‘em for JUST this occasion! For weeks! Kanji: No… (transition) Kanji: Nice trunks, man! Yu: Stole ‘em from my uncle. Chie: I don’t like that these fit like a glove. Yukiko: Yosuke, you have a really slim figure. Yosuke: Runs in the family. Yu: Lookin’ good, Chie, Yukiko. Chie: Oh, wow, thanks! Yukiko: Oh, stop it! Yosuke: Lookin’ good, Chi-- Chie: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO MY FACE? Yosuke: That you looked… good? (cut to them flying) Yu: And that was the day that I knew my life would change forever. Yosuke: (girly screams) Kanji: Aw man, the altitude’s gettin’ to me. Yukiko: Kanji, you’re bleeding and covered in dirt. You NEED to bathe! Kanji: Hah? No! Nononononono- (cuts to him flying) Kanji: NYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA- Kanji: And that was the day that I knew my life would change forever. Kanji: AAAAAHHHHHH!!! (splash) Kanji: Naoki? Naoki: Sup. Yu: Do you hear something? Morooka: (puking sounds) WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME (puking sounds) WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER! (puking sounds) I CAN TAKE ANYTHING YOU THROW AT ME! (puking sounds) I’M A GOOD TEACHER!!! (puking and sobbing) I AM POWERFUL!!! (sobbing) Yu: (quiet, distressed sounds followed by screaming) Yosuke: (quiet, distressed sounds followed by screaming) Kanji: (quiet, distressed sounds followed by screaming) Yukiko: Gross. (credits) Yu: uhh…. Nanako: Big bro!!! How was the trip? Yu: uhh…. Category:Persona 4 Abridged Category:P4A Scripts